|Posted on June 27, 2015 at 3:50 AM||comments (0)|
Everyone has days where they feel sad or down. They can’t explain it, but sometimes those days happen. Over the past few days, I’ve been feeling sad. I don’t know why, but it seems like something is bothering me and I don’t know what or why. I’ve been nervous, stressed and anxious. Maybe those emotions are what’s got me down.
I’ve been going out and trying to keep myself busy. When I’m out, I want to go home, but when I’m at home, I want to go out. Even when I'm out, I feel sad. It’s a weird situation. I would feel fine then something sets it off and I become sad. I can’t focus. My thoughts are all over the place. I can't explain it. I can be on the computer going on the websites I go on everyday and something sets me off. No matter how small the thing I do, something clicks and that part of my brain switches something on and I get sad. I could be texting someone and my mood would go from laughing to what they said to wanting to crawl into a ball under the covers and go to sleep then a few minutes later I would be fine until something else triggers a mood. I don't know if that would be considered a mood swing or something that needs to be monitered and controled.
I’m not in a severe mood where everything is crashing down on me, but the mood puts a downer on my day. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about and I’m sure it’s something that would pass over time, but I do wonder. I don't know if I'm just lonely and want to be able to have someone in my life that always be there for me when I get into a funk or is it something that we go thru at some point in our lives because we're getting older. Our bodies are getting older, our hormones change or maybe its the start of something that can't be explained. Maybe its my body telling me that I need a change. Do I need to get away for a while to clear my head? Do I need to need to be around people constantly so I know I have someone always there to help me thru whetever mood I'm in? The more I think about it, the more I wonder what really is wrong. Am I taking it to seriously? Am I thinking about it to much? Do I just need to be more sociable and develop a more busy life? Do you think I'm alone with my thoughts to much and I jump to conclusions way to quickly? What should I do? Will being around people help me not think about stuff that bothers me?
I’m thinking it’s because I don’t have a daily routine. I’m not constantly busy every day. I have a lot of free time so that gives me a lot of time to think. I like having a routine, something I can do every day. I did have a routine, but that changed. I went out a few times a week, running errands and socializing. Now that this routine has changed, I realize that my day isn’t what it once was and I think that’s what is bringing me down. I don’t socialize has much as I used to, I don’t go out as much as I used to.
The people I talk to on a regular basis are not in the same community as I am. I can’t go and hang out with them during the week. One friend I talk to everyday is 5 hours away, another friend is going to Victoria for school and I have friends who live in California and New York.
It’s hard, but I think if maybe I start developing a daily routine and get out and keep busy then maybe the blues will disappear. I have too much time on my hands and the more time I have alone the more time I have to think about stuff. I’ve been in funks before and usually they go away in a day or two. Hopefully once I get out more and meet new people, I’ll be able to get over whatever this thing I’m in.
Should I be worried? Should I be concerned? Does everybody else feel sad about what's going on in their lives? How do you overcome it?
|Posted on June 7, 2015 at 4:15 AM||comments (0)|
I always imagined by my high school reunion that I would have a career that I loved, being married to the man of my dreams and have a couple kids. I always wanted to be able to go to my reunion and be able to tell people that things I’ve done in the past 10 years, but the last few years haven’t been going that way I had pictured.
In high school, I had a bunch of things I wanted to accomplish by the time my 10 year reunion had arrived. I wanted to show up and be able to brag about the dreams and goals I conquered and how hard I worked to get to where I was, but none of the things I wanted to achieve in the last 10 years have come true.
I’ve always been my own person, always went along with the beat of a different drum, but one thing I wanted was to show the people I went to high school with that I had made something of myself. I wanted to show them that I was more than that quiet kid in class. Normally, I don’t go around bragging about what I’ve done, but the kids in my grad class never gave me the time of day and I always wanted to prove to them that I can be anything I want to be and I have the success to prove it.
Everyone seems to have the dreams that I wish I had. Being married, travelling, having kids, etc. and what do I have to show in the past 10 years. I’ve talked about doing so much, but I haven’t gotten nowhere near where I want to be. I’m not up to where everyone else is in their life.
I’m just starting to think that maybe my life isn’t meant to be perfect. Maybe I’m not supposed to live out my dreams. Maybe I’m supposed to stay in one place and do one thing day in and day out. What have I done on the last 10 years that I could possibly say to a group of people that never gave a rats ass about me?
|Posted on February 1, 2015 at 12:45 PM||comments (0)|
February 1, 2006, my friend Brandon passed away at the young age of 16. He was riding his bike to school when he got hit by a car. It happened a couple blocks away from where I lived.
I still miss him. I still think about him. I have wondered what it would be like if he was still here. Would he follow his dreams? Would he travel the world? Would he be starting a family? Who knows what Brandon would be up to?
People say that time heals, that’s not true. Brandon is always going to be on my mind. He is always going to be there. He is always going to pop up randomly and make me smile. He’s going to make me remember the times we had. He will always going to be in my thoughts and he’s always going to be in my heart.
I will always miss you, Brandon.
|Posted on October 31, 2014 at 6:15 AM||comments (0)|
The Shining has always been my favorite Stephen King book and the movie starring Jack Nicholson has always been one of my favorite movies, but the ending as always been a mystery.
Everybody has a different theory about why Jack Torrance appears in the picture from 1921 when clearly he died in the hedge maze. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer, but there is an indication in the movie that tells us that he’s been at the hotel for almost 60 years, maybe even longer.
When the hotel starts to get into Jack’s head, he meets Delbert Grady who claims that he’s always been the caretaker, when Delbert himself has always been the butler. There’s been talk about who Grady is. When Jack went for the initial interview for the caretaker job, the hotel manager said that there was a man named Charles Grady who was the caretaker in the 1970’s. He developed cabin fever and killed his family then himself and because Grady is the name of the butler that Jack meets, there’s must be a connection to the two, maybe a relative or maybe they’re the same person. So maybe Jack has a connection to the man in the picture.
One theory I found was the people in the picture where people that were former caretakers and/or people that were killed at some point in the hotel and their spirits are in the picture. I think that’s why Jack is in the middle because he’s the more recent death, but that doesn’t answer the part of how he was the caretaker all along. Was there a part in the history of the Overlook where Jack was once the caretaker, but he just doesn’t remember and he came back as someone else to re-live that one moment? Do you think as viewers we saw the face of the original caretaker from 1921, but his wife and son saw a completely different man?
There are so many different explanations about the ending. We could discuss our opinions for hours and never really understand the movie completely. We can come to our own conclusions, but we may never fully get the actual meaning of why Jack Torrance appears in the picture.
|Posted on October 5, 2014 at 3:55 AM||comments (0)|
All I ever wanted was to have somebody to love, somebody I can call at 2 in the morning and talk about everything and anything. All I ever wanted was to have somebody who knew every fear, every dream, and everything that makes me smile and anxious. All I ever wanted was to have somebody who will love me no matter what.
I dream about being with someone who treats me like I’m the only girl in the world, someone who will go to the ends of the earth, someone who will look past the “Its nothing” and fix the problem underneath.
Every day when I see an engagement, my heart breaks into a million pieces because I start doubting myself and start analyzing what is wrong with me. I look at myself and have no confidence to go out. I lost the confidence in myself because if someone doesn’t care, then why should I. I start to wonder what one person sees in another and wish I had whatever that person has.
I began to lose faith and trust in guys not because of obvious reasons, but for every guy that I’ve known have always told me that they only like me as a friend then there’s the fear that they have a secret girlfriend/fiancé on the side and they're not being honest about it.
The last guy I like, I fell for him hard. He was a friend and the more we talked the more I liked him. He was my whole world. He knew I liked him and I thought we would at least talk about taking it to the next level, but just as quickly as it began, it fell apart. Not only did my heart break, but my world came crashing down. I found out through someone else online, that he was engaged. I felt lied to, I felt used and I felt that he played with my emotions. I spend days trying to come to terms with the fact that the feelings I had towards him were for nothing. I felt cheated. I felt like he didn’t take my feelings into consideration. I’m mad about the fact that he knew I liked him, and he didn’t do anything about it.
If he had told me from the start that he was getting married, then I would have took a step back and not let my emotions and feelings get attached. I felt betrayed. I didn’t talk to him for weeks because I felt like if I showed one ounce of anger towards him and the situation then I would lose him as a friend. My emotions took a roller coaster ride. Up until that point, I pictured my world with him in it. I wanted him to be there for every milestone, achievement and heartbreaking moment. I imagined him being the guy I was going to marry.
After the situation had calmed down, which took quite a while. I stopped trusting guys. I began to shy away from them because I didn’t want to be put into that situation again. For every person that I liked, ended in heartbreak. I stopped crushing on guys because I didn’t want to get set up and then end up on the verge of tears because I find out that he’s dating someone else.
I could go out and pretend I’m not looking/interested. I could get dressed up and look nice, but no matter how much work I put into making myself look good, no guy would ever look past that friend zone. I’m not appealing to guys. I never had guys line up to date me, I didn't date in high school. I’ve been told just to be myself, but when you have social anxiety and groups of people make you nervous, your personality hides behind that. There are people who are great with social gatherings and then you have me, who prefers to hang out by the food and drinks, hoping that someone will at least say hi.
Over the years, I’ve seen classmates and family friends get married and start families and all I could think about is the fact that I’m not going to have that perfect proposal, the big wedding and the 9 months to pick out baby names and the colors for the nursery. All I could think about is how I spent so much time hoping and dreaming that my Prince Charming is right there in front of me.
Many people have told me that I just got to stop looking or your Mr. Right is still out there, you’ll find him. It’s easy for them to say that because they’ve found their Mr. Right. I just want to be able to have one person in my life that knows me better then anybody. When you never dated or had a boyfriend, you start to believe that there isn't anyone out there for you. I never thought that I would be the age I am now and never even been on a date.
When I'm around couples and knowing that I am the only single one in the room, I get uncomfortable because I long for that feeling of being loved by someone. I want to have what everyone else has. I want to feel the love of someone who takes the time to know me, someone who shares my passions and interests. I just want to be loved.
|Posted on August 19, 2014 at 1:00 AM||comments (0)|
I just can't get over the death of Robin Williams. This is something I will never forget. Nothing as touched me as much as getting this news. There is so much emotion, so many questions left unanswered, so many memories. What can I say, what can I do? I hope I can leave an impact on people like Robin did on the world.
Godspeed, My Friend is a poem I wrote for the man who made us laugh even if he couldn't laugh himself. He made us happy, even when he wasn't.
Memories fill our thoughts.
The laughter and smiles, a distant remembrance.
The somber feeling of lost happiness.
Understanding, reflecting on a life full of compassion, kindness, intelligence.
Inspiration left behind.
A world in heartbreak.
It’s a time not only to say good bye, but to say thank you.
Look down and know you’re always with us.
We may not see you, but we know you’re here.
Godspeed, my friend.
Forever loved and adored.
|Posted on August 11, 2014 at 8:05 PM||comments (0)|
I grew up watching Robin Williams in Mrs Doubtfire, Jumanji, Aladdin, Patch Adams, Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society and many more. I was and still am shocked to hear that he passed away. Everybody knew him as a energetic and talented man, but we never knew that he had his struggles.
Alot of people use humour as a way to hide the pain they have. Robin had been struggling with drugs and alcohol for years and that was his way of coping with whetever thoughts he had going on in his head. Everyday, people struggle with what they can’t control, Robin was no exception. He did everything he could do and sadly, it was to much for him to handle. No matter who you are or how much money you have, help is always there.
Robin is going to be missed by everyone, his comedy is going to be around forever. His family and friends are going to remember him as the sweet guy that he was and his fans are going to remember the laughs he brought us in his movies and characters. His presence on stage can’t be replaced. His memory will live on. Robin will forever be in our hearts. Let’s remember how he lived and not how he died.
|Posted on July 8, 2014 at 8:55 PM||comments (0)|
No, I’m not talking about the song from the movie “A Night at the Roxbury”
I’m talking about love the emotion. Everybody has a different definition of love. We all experience it differently in different ways at different times. Some of us never experience the emotion and some people are alright with that. Others search for it their whole lives and don’t succeed.
Many people find love early and many other people find it later in life and some people know they will never be able to find that one true love.
That will bring me to my question. What actually is love? Is it something we automatically have because we’re taught early on what love is so we expect to achieve it as we grow older? Or is love something that just appears from nowhere and we develop the skills to handle the emotion as love approaches with age?
Many people get married several times in their lives and others get married once and that’s it. Do you think people go thru the emotion more often than others because they just can’t get the idea of how to handle such a big step in their lives? Do you think they don’t understand what love is and they try and fill the emotion with someone they think they love?
We have feelings and emotions for a reason and sometimes it’s hard to control what we don’t fully understand. We are only human and living in a world where it’s hard to be different. Love is challenging and hard to dismiss. People can either take love as gift or has a heartbreak, but as life goes on we accept what we get dealt and we learn to move on. Love is just a little piece of the puzzle and we just have learn how to deal with the consequences of situations we are faced with.
Love is complicated. We just have to face it and conquer it.
|Posted on February 24, 2014 at 6:45 PM||comments (0)|
Harold Ramis was a big part of my childhood. My brother and I had every Ghostbusters toy that we could lay our hands on. We would play Ghostbusters and race around catching ghosts. We had both movies on VHS, collectable glasses, pictures and even the green slime. My mom still has every toy, picture and collectable and I will cherish them forever.
It is a shock to see someone you grew up watching and adored pass away. It’s hard to good bye after the memories you had with them. Harold was loved and adored by many. He was genuine, one of a kind. I wish I had the chance to meet him and thank him for being part of my childhood. Memories of watching him will stay forever and his talent will always stay with us thru his characters and movies.
Rest In Peace Harold, you will be missed.
|Posted on January 24, 2014 at 11:45 PM||comments (0)|
On Friday, January 24th was John Belushi's 65th birthday. How did I celebrate it, by posting a video message on YouTube. After a few attempts to say the perfect thing, I finally got to where I like it. After posting it on YouTube. I tweeted the link to his brother, Jim, his nephew, Robert (who is a friend of mine) and Dan Aykroyd.
I thought nothing of it and went on with my life. I had posted it at midnight on the morning of the 24th and so around 12pm on the day of the 24th, I wake up to the sound of my phone beeping from a new email. I got up and noticed that Jim Belushi had send me a private message on Twitter telling me that my video was very sweet and well done. He said thank you and told me I was cool. I was freaking out with excitement. In the middle of me trying to wrap my mind around what happened. I get another email. And to my surprise, it said that Jim Belushi was now following me on twitter. I WAS FREAKING OUT.
I sent him a note back thanking him for taking the time to watch it and for following me.
|Posted on November 22, 2013 at 3:25 AM||comments (0)|
It’s been 50 years since the death of President John F Kennedy in Texas.
Everyone remembers where they were when they heard the news. I wasn’t even born yet, but I do know people who were old enough to remember what they were doing on that fateful day.
I remember where I was when I heard about his son, John F Kennedy Jr. being killed in a plane crash. It’s something that stays with you forever. My brother and I played baseball growing up and there were about 6 maybe 7 summers where we spent weekends on the road because of tournaments and my family was out of town for one of my brother’s tournaments and one afternoon we decided to turn on the TV. That’s when all of us were glued to the screen because we wanted to know what was happening. I was only 11 at the time, but I knew about his father and what happened when JFK JR was just a little boy and I couldn’t help, but think that after all that time he was finally going to be with his father.
I know that many people loved JFK, many of them showed up on that day in Texas just to see him and hope he would wave to them as he went by. It’s a tragedy that a simple outing turned into what it was.
Rest in Peace, Mr. President and John-John.
|Posted on November 10, 2013 at 1:15 AM||comments (0)|
Dear Youtube and Google+
I know that every once in a while, change is a good thing, but to be honest, this current change of combining YouTube and Google+ isn’t good.
I have noticed on several YouTube videos that youtubers have complained about the necessary need to sign in to their Google+ account just to post a comment or to even access their YouTube inbox. In fact, I didn’t have a Google+ account, but I had to have one when I wanted to use YouTube.
As a youtuber myself since 2006, I’ve seen the website change several times in the past couple of years and just because you like the idea of something, doesn’t mean everyone will have the same thoughts as you. A lot of people, like myself, don’t like change, especially when it’s constant.
YouTube has been in my life since 2006 and I couldn’t imagine not having it as part of my world and with it always changing, I am starting to lose faith in how successful the website can be. Many people have left YouTube because of its growing problem of changing layouts, comments and copyright issues.
There are so many problems that can be fixed by just listening to the people who use it on a regular basis. They are the reason why YouTube is where it is today. Without us, where would YouTube be?
Another problem with YouTube that I have come across is the music copyright rule. How are we supposed to help promote a song, or a band, when we can’t use their music in a video? There been so many times, where I wanted to help a singer or band by using their song in a video, but I am afraid that my account will get a strike. Which as happened in the past and it makes me feel discouraged about what videos I want to upload on YouTube?
As a youtuber, and a regular YouTube viewer, I stand up to the fact that changing YouTube is unappreciative and unnecessary. We don’t get any warning on when it’s going to change so it doesn’t give us much time to warm up to the idea of a new layout and before we know it, you gone and changed the whole website again with warning. How can our YouTube channels be original and express who we are when all of them are the same?
I hope that you will take this opinion and use it. I want to be able to go back to the original layout that was used when I signed up in 2006. It was easy to use and it let us be creative.
Thanks for Listening.
|Posted on October 9, 2013 at 5:50 PM||comments (0)|
Recently I started working at my high school. The same school I graduated from back in 2006 and I started to remember the days where I was a student. I would roam the halls and look for any signs of teachers I had when I attended. I found a few and I had the nerve to talk to one of them for a little bit.
It was awesome to see that he still teaches the class I loved. He was one of my favorite teachers and it was nice to catch up. I even told him about my youtube channel. I don't know if he had the chance to watch my videos, but who knows.
What really surprised me was seeing my grade 12 grad board. Last time I saw it in person was when I was in school and it was hanging in the office.
Oh the memories of being back in school.
|Posted on July 28, 2013 at 3:00 AM||comments (0)|
Today would have been your 24th birthday.
What could I say about a guy who touched my heart the way you did?
Everyday, I want to give you a hug, send you a text or just creep your facebook. You would have loved youtube and showing the world what you could do.
You were smart, funny and caring. You were one of a kind, always smiling, always enjoying life to the fullest.
Thank you for the memories and the laughs we shared. The times in the theatre are memories that will last a lifetime. That’s where we met and I will never forget that.
Forever in my heart and always in my thoughts.
|Posted on June 11, 2013 at 1:20 AM||comments (0)|
It’s been a long time since I last wrote, and I feel bad because writing is a big part of my life and I want to be able to share my thoughts with the world.
Nothing special has happened in the last couple weeks. I did get my Goonies shirt in the mail today. It came earlier then I thought it would. So I was pretty happy that I have it now. It was killing me that I couldn’t find it in any stores. I wasn’t going to stop looking till I had one in my hands.
I’ve decided what I want to do with my life and that is to write. I want to write for a living. I want to be able to move to L.A one day and be able to write for the entertainment industry. For example: I want to be able to write, screenplays, novels, TV dramas, TV sitcoms, blogs, movie reviews etc. and I hope that this blog will help me make that move someday. I know it seems like a long shot, but I can’t do it alone. We can all dream and have a goal in life. I think the more I write and make videos on YouTube, the closer I can make my dream a reality and be able to say that I live in California. I know my dream is within arm’s reach, I just have to tie a rope around it and pull it in. Writing and making videos are a huge part of my life and I want to be able to do it for a living.
Until next time
Hugs and movie stars.
|Posted on February 1, 2013 at 3:05 AM||comments (0)|
I am officially done reading the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy and I am sad that it’s over.
Christian is got better to a certain point. He still is control, but is learning to not do it as often. He does something towards the end, where I thought he would do something that he would regret. I thought he would break a few hearts.
Anastasia takes a certain situation into her own hands and gets hurt. Christian gets angry for, but he soons forgives her.
Again I don’t want to give too much away.
|Posted on January 29, 2013 at 2:35 AM||comments (0)|
Christian is better in the second one. There are still some quirks that I think he should work on. He is still the same old Christian in some ways, but he is showing growth.
Ana is more accepting of whom Christian is and what his lifestyle is. She is standing her ground and is showing Christian that she is her own person. She doesn’t need Christian’s protection all the time.
The books are better then I thought they would be. I don’t want to give away to much of what’s going on.
Until the next review.
Hugs and movie stars.
|Posted on January 14, 2013 at 1:10 AM||comments (0)|
A few days ago, I decided to pick up 50 Shades of Grey and read it. I never took an interest in it before, but I didn’t have anything else to read.
The first few pages, I thought to myself " I don’t get what people meant about how great it was" Until I got farther into it. After the first in depth night between Christian and Anastasia. I wanted to give up reading it. It’s not like I couldn’t handle it. I just wasn’t expecting that much detail, but I decided to keep reading. It happened a few more times the farther I got into the book.
There were times I wanted to place the book aside and forget about it, but the little voice in my head wanted to keep reading and find out what happens. The more I read, the more I began to dislike Christian and what he does.
Here are some reasons why Christian isn’t on my good side.
• He is a control freak, demanding, and bossy.
• He’s a stalker according to Anastasia. No matter what she did, or where she went, he was there. He would track her phone calls.
• He wanted Anastasia to sign a contract. He wanted her to dress a certain way, eat certain things and see him every weekend. He didn’t allow her to talk about him or what they did with her friends or her parents.
• He would show up at Anastasia’s apartment at night without letting her or her roommate know and spend the night after already spending time with her just a couple hours before.
• He got her a laptop and a blackberry so he could get in contact with her at all times and then he would get mad at her when she would e-mail him.
I kept telling myself. “Isn’t that how most abusive relationships start?” it starts as something casual then the man begins to take control and demand every small detail. I know it’s just a book, but there are people out there that do this and it’s not a lifestyle that I would get into.
There are so many things I could say about this book. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good read, but there are some things that are better left un-said.
These are just my thoughts about the book. People have different opinions. I don’t want to get into to much detail without ruining it for people who want to read it or are currently reading it.
|Posted on December 16, 2012 at 12:30 AM||comments (0)|
There are no words to explain what happened in Connecticut. There are no feelings to express how I feel for the young lives that were lost.
There are too many things going on in the world and this was one of the events that will never be forgotten. The children that were forever taken from us will never know what it’s like to love, they will never know what it’s like to have a family or raise children of their own.
As I read about the events of that day, I will never understand what went through the minds of the people involved. I will never imagine the fear and terror they witnessed as one man went crazy with a gun.
It’s not fair for the families to not know the answers to why it happened. They are going to live their life knowing that their child has died because of one man. It’s heartbreaking to realize that children can’t go to school safety without having something horrible happened to them. All they wanted to do that day was go to school and learn. They were excited about Christmas and the upcoming New Year.
Let’s keep them forever in our hearts.
My heart, thoughts and prayers go to the families of the victims.
|Posted on September 21, 2012 at 11:40 PM||comments (0)|
Karen, its been 20 years since you been gone. Your laughter and smile will be something I will always remember about you. I was only 4 years old when I saw you last, but it seems like yesterday. You will always be in my thoughts and prayers. Rest in Peace, my dear friend.