|Posted on April 23, 2019 at 7:00 AM||comments (0)|
Millicent Lillian “Peg” Entwistle was born on February 5, 1908 in Port Talbot, UK. She was a British stage and screen actress. By the time she was 17, she had appeared in several broadway productions. In 1927, when she was 19 years old, Peg married Robert Keith, but by 1929, they divorced. For those 2 years, Peg was the stepmother of Robert’s son, Brian who is known as Uncle Bill in the 60’s show, “A Family Affair.”
Peg dreamt of being an actress, but unfortunately her dream never came true. She is better known for her death then her career. She had only starred in one movie, “Thirteen Women” which came out after her death, but even then her role was cut down severely before its release.
On September 16, 1932, Peg had made her way towards the Hollywood sign. At that time you were able to make the trek to the famous sign and touch the letters, but now the area is fenced off and is under surveillance. The closet you can come to the sign is above it and look down at the infamous letters. Peg made the decision to jump off the letter H. She left behind some of her belongings like a shoe, her purse and a jacket; which a hiker found not knowing they belonged to the actress. She also wrote a suicide note that read:
I am afraid, I am a coward. I am sorry for everything. If I had done this a long time ago, it would have saved a lot of pain. P.E
Her cause of death according to the coroner was multiple fractures of the pelvis. Peg was cremated and her ashes was buried next to her father in Oak Cemetery in Glendale, Ohio. At the time of her death, her uncle who she was living with after the death of her father said that she told him she was going to be going to the drugstore then meet up with some friends. He had no idea that was going to be the last time he would see and talk to his niece. The day after her death, she got a letter in the mail saying she was offered a role in a play at the Beverley Hills Playhouse. She was only 24 years old.
The appearance of a young blond woman wearing 1930s clothing is a common sighting. She appears to be sad and brooding, but she disappears faster then she appears. The scent of gardenias is a common smell around the area. Gardenias was Peg’s favourite. Nobody knows why she decided to end her life, but we know that she will never leave Hollywood. A place where she felt like she belonged.
|Posted on April 11, 2019 at 8:00 AM||comments (0)|
Bobby Fuller was known as a rockstar, songwriter and guitarist. He was best known as a member of the band “The Bobby Fuller Four” Their number one hit was “I Fought The Law” The band performed 2 songs in the 1966 spring movie, “The Ghost In The Invisible Bikini” “I Fought The Law” only reached #33 in the UK, the song was much revered by rock and roll fans, but in America, the song reached to #9. Nancy Sinatra was a fan of the band and was seen often at their concerts. Bobby was born in Texas and had a maternal older half brother, Jack and a younger brother, Randy who was in the band as well. He was mesmerized by Elvis and adopted the styles of fellow Texan, Buddy Holly. Bobby often used original material when fronting his own four man combo.
Within weeks of “I Fought The Law” becoming a top 10 hit, Bobby’s young life was cut short. After performing a gig just a few days before, he left home after receiving a phone call and took the family Oldsmobile to attend a meeting. Later that day, his mother found Bobby dead in said vehicle outside of his Hollywood apartment. Bobby’s face, chest and side were covered in “petechial haemorrhages” probably caused by gasoline vapours and the summer heat. There were no bruises, broken bones, cuts, no evidence of a beating. On the autopsy report, murder and suicide were checked off, but they had question marks next to them. Some people believe Bobby was murdered even when there was a cause of death. He had multiple stab wounds and was soaked in gasoline. Some say his death was the mob and other rumours stated it was the Manson Family. There was no criminal investigation by the LAPD due to the sudden death of the police chief just a few days earlier. There was evidence that Bobby was in the advanced state of rigour mortis by the time he was found and that the car wasn’t where it was 30 minutes prior to when his mom found it. Its suggested that Bobby had died somewhere else.
His brother, Randy has never found closure due to the fact he had to go on with life without knowing who killed his older brother. Nobody has come forward or have been charged with the murder of Bobby Fuller. He was 23 years old.
|Posted on April 6, 2019 at 12:25 AM||comments (0)|
When you go to Disneyland, there are always rides that you have to go on. It doesn’t matter how long the lines are, you want to ride it as many times as you can before the day ends. Its the excitement of knowing that the drop down a massive hill is going to be a thrill no matter how many times you’ve rode it or you know its just around the corner. Here are a list of my favourite Disneyland rides that are a must ride when you are in the wonderful world of Disney.
The Haunted Mansion: I love anything that is haunted, houses, hotels, anything that as a dark history. This ride is perfect for not only a story, but for the darkness of it, meaning that its a ride in the dark, but its not dark enough for kids to not be afraid of it. The characters in the ride and just the overall story of the ride is good one to check out. If you go during the holidays, it changes over to The Nightmare Before Christmas, which honestly, I’m not a fan of. I prefer the Haunted Mansion and the hitchhiking ghosts.
Pirates Of The Caribbean: If you are a fan of pirates or just Johnny Depp then this ride is a must. Its a casual water ride where you get to witness a gun battle between two ships, take a stroll thru town and watching a pirate skeleton man the helm of a ship thru a thunderstorm, which is probably my favourite part of the ride. Its a ride you can sit back and enjoy. Its indoors and it gives you some time to get off your feet and out of the sun and relax.
Indiana Jones and the Forbidden Eye: Its probably one of the longest lines in the park even if you get single rider, there still might be a wait, but its worth it. If you like the Indiana Jones series then this is a ride for you. The classic ball rushes towards and you get out of the way just in time, but have no fear, Harrison Ford is there to protect you. That’s his job. The queue for the line is cool as its mostly underground and its gives you the feeling that your in a cave or a tomb. Some areas feel cooler then the other parts. I don’t know if its just a coincidence or if it was built that way, but it feels nice to go thru a cold spot.
Hollywood Tower Hotel: This ride was switched over to The Guardians Of The Galaxy, which I think is a huge disappointment seeing that I have no idea what the movie franchise is about, but I wish they kept the original ride. I love haunted hotels and this ride was perfect. It had everything, a story that was easy to follow and made you feel like you were in that time period and butterflies in your stomach when you get to the top and it drops when you least expect, but if you’ve been on it numerous times, you know what’s going to happen, but it still gave you that feeling of excitement. I wish it was still around.
Splash Mountain: A classic ride that comes with a song you can sing along to without having it drive you crazy like Its A Small Ride. Its both a indoor and outdoor and its nice for a cool down if you have the patience to wait in line for more then a hour. You just have to remember to take a look around and take in the scenery before you take that plunge down the massive hill and get soaked.
Space Mountain: If you are afraid of the dark and/or roller coasters then this ride isn’t for you. Its a combination of speed, tight turns and darkness. You don’t know if your going left, right or straight until the last second and if your lucky, you’re take a good picture.
Toy Story Mania: If you love playing shooting games and hitting targets then is a good ride. The line is long, but the combination of 3D, toy story and target shooting makes up for it. You race the person next you know in getting the highest score, but you can always go back and get better.
California Screaming: This was changed over to the Incredicoaster. Its the same ride, but its just a different design. Its right in the centre and you can watch people take off and go thru the loop and hear them scream at the top of their lungs. The picture may not be perfect, due to the faces you’ll make racing around the corner, but its always makes for a good laugh.
Radiator Springs Racers: I wasn’t sure if I was going to like CarsLand, but its a well done and there are so many things to see especially at night. Radiator Springs Racers with worth the wait, but if you want to you can do single riders which goes by a lot faster. Go on it at least once. You get to race against the people in the car next to you. It doesn’t matter what car you get into, you don’t know your doing to win, you may lose a few times in the same car before you win.
If you are planning on going to Disneyland, have fun, put on lots of sunscreen, drink lots of water and travel safe.
|Posted on March 25, 2019 at 3:05 AM||comments (0)|
Who is Thomas Jane? The name is unfamiliar with some people. Everyone that I talk to always ask me who he is and I of course being the #1 fan that I am will go on and on about everything Thomas. I’ll go into depth about his movies and other projects that he’s done. I will do with such pride that I could literally be his publicist and hype him up and give him the love and support that he deserves.
All joking aside, lets get serious. Thomas Jane is one in a million. I first saw Thomas in 2001 in the movie 61*. He played Mickey Mantle. If you know anything about baseball, you will know about the M and M boys. New York Yankees players race to beat Babe Ruth’s single season home run record. I couldn’t imagine Thomas not being Mantle. He was the right guy for the job even if he never had any prior baseball experience before filming the movie.
There was something about him that stuck with me. I don’t know if it was because he just had something that made him stand out, but he always was on of my mind. Every once in a while, there was something or someone that would remind me of him and I would think of him. The more I watched, the more I found out how amazing he really was. He loves what he does and it shows in his work.
In 2008, Thomas made it his mission to stop drinking. He was caught drinking and driving and was put behind bars. He was going thru a tough time, which of course isn’t an excuse to get behind the wheel drunk, but he just wanted a way out. That night he was pulled over 4 times with the last time, being the wake up call that he needed. Since that night, he became sober. I know that it must have been challenging for him to take that leap and realize that life is more important then hiding behind alcohol. I’m very proud of how far he’s come from. I know he works hard at making sure that he doesn’t go down that ride again.
I’ve always imagined him as someone with a heart of gold. He truly is someone who is passionate about his work. He’s hardworking, creative, intelligent and a good man. I hope one day I get the chance to meet him and tell him how much he means to me. I respect, admire and adore him.
|Posted on March 22, 2019 at 7:20 AM||comments (0)|
I was never the type of person to socialize during class. I never really had a solid group of people that I hung out with at lunch. It was different depending on the day. I knew people in every grade so I just hung out with whoever knew me and they seemed to be alright with that. I never felt a connection with the people in my grade because I found them to be judgemental especially the classmates that I didn’t grew up with. The people I knew since kindergarten were more supportive because we knew each other, I never had a close connection with the people who I met on the first day of school. It seemed like they were in it just to make high school the best years of their lives and they didn’t care who they were friends with to make that happen. There were people who I would hang out with in outside of school. They became my BFF for a few months, get bored and move on. Then we just became someone we pass in the hallway, not acknowledging why we stopped hanging out. It would be something that we never talked about, a non-verbal agreement to never bring it up.
When it comes to going to places where there’s lots of people. I sit in the corner and observe what’s going on around me. I’ve always been shy and quiet. I never know what to say when it comes to people I don’t know. I’ve always wanted people to come up to me and start a conversation. If people were interested in getting to know me then they would make the first move and approach me. A lot of the time, I won’t go somewhere if I don’t know anybody or if I know there is someone going that I don’t like being around. I’ll try and avoid them and not make eye contact, which in my case, not making eye contact is pretty easy. Going up to someone in public and say ‘hi”, especially in a public place is never easy. If I don’t know you then I won’t talk to you. I know going up to people is a way to make friends, but I have a thing when it comes to doing it. I have this feeling that they don’t want to spark up a conversation with me because they sense there’s something “off” about me and they don’t want to be associate with that. I want get over it, step out of my comfort zone and make friends, but interacting is hard. I hate not knowing what a person is feeling or thinking. I want to be able to read people’s emotions and expressions, but everything looks the same to me.
We all meet and lose friends. It happens to everyone. If we kept the friends we met in kindergarten, I don’t think we would grow as people and individuals. We have to find who we are without the influence of others. Some of us may go down the wrong path, get into trouble with the law, find drugs, develop a criminal record. Other people would want change that about themselves because they grew up in a house with that kind of atmosphere and they don’t want to end up just like the people they know. They want to make the world a better place. We need to meet people who bring us up and not kick us when we’re down. We don’t need that kind of negativity in our life. I try and be a good friend. I try to be nice to the people around me. Being nice can go a long way and I don’t want to be known as someone who gives off bad vibes. I want to bring positivity and not make someone feel like they’re alone in the world. I want to. think good thoughts and hope they get passed on.
|Posted on March 21, 2019 at 11:20 PM||comments (0)|
I always knew I wanted to write a book, but I never knew where to begin. I didn’t know if I wanted to write what its like to have Aspergers and my experiences with living it or if I wanted to take one of the millions of ideas that have been floating around in my head and write a full length fiction novel, but I thought that maybe writing about my life experiences in my blog would be a lot easier then spending months maybe even years writing a book that may not even get published. My blog could be my book and anyone from anywhere in the world can access it at any time. Who knows, my blog entries could eventually turn into a book, if it falls into the right hands. Until that happens, lets write about Aspergers and see where it takes me. This could my way of escaping and let out all the things that race thru my mind. Just a way for me to let everything out.
I came up with the idea of writing my memoirs about having Aspergers because I always wanted to inspire people and I wanted to make a difference, but I was hesitant to write this because I didn't want to give to much information about myself. I didn’t want to tell to much. I didn’t want the world to know every little detail about me, but then I thought about it and realized that I’m in charge of what I say and how I say it. I’m in charge of making sure that what I say comes off as inspiring and not as something that comes off as a someone who’s looking for sympathy. If I don’t want you to know something or if there’s a memory that I don’t want to share then I don’t have to talk about it. I can choose what you read and what you should know about me. All I want from this is to have people relate with me and know that their not the only one going thru whatever their going thru.
I’m not ashamed of having Aspergers, but there have been times where I wish it didn’t exist. People may be curious about why I am the way I am and they should ask questions. There have been been situations where Aspergers makes an appearance and no matter how hard I try to hide it, its seems to show up unannounced and uninvited. I really should come up with a name for it. On the other hand, its part of who I am and if I was like every one else then I wouldn’t be me. I’m one of a kind. There isn’t anyone out there who is as unique as I am. So I guess having Aspergers as its benefits. In the end, I just want to be able to be myself and hope that I can inspire at least one person. It’s my way of paying it forward. If one person learns anything from this, then maybe they can do the same for someone else and so and so forth. I hope you can come along this journey. We can learn how to deal with Aspergers together. Not every story is the same, but I hope it will help you look at the world in a different way, thru someone else’s eyes.
|Posted on March 11, 2019 at 2:25 AM||comments (0)|
I know people are going to think I’m going a little overboard with this, but Luke Perry’s death has hit me hard. Maybe its the way he died that has hit me or maybe its who he was as a person. You really don’t how much someone means to you until their gone. I wish I was able to be one of the lucky ones to have had the privilege to be in his presence. I’ve heard some amazing things about Luke and I never had the chance to meet him even through he was always in town filming Riverdale. What surprises me the most was how young he was. Strokes can happen to anyone at anytime, but knowing that it was that bad of a stroke in which he wasn’t able to recover.
Its a constant reminder that life is short. You got to do what you can to make life as amazing and meaningful as possible. Luke was the shining light in many lives, he was a friend and a sweetheart with a heart of gold. The impact that he left in the world is the same one I want to leave. I want to be remembered in the same way. Luke Perry is someone I inspire to be. I want have a life that’s extraordinary. I want people to look at my life and know that I was a friend to everyone and was willing to help others when they needed it the most. I want the things people have said about Luke and bring the same positive character traits into my life. I want to live like Luke and make every moment count.
There have been countless times when I wanted to breakdown and cry because of these feelings in losing Luke. I didn’t know him personally, but I wish I did. I think of him daily and miss him greatly. He will always be with me, giving me that never ending love and encouragement. You will be missed for always and forever. Thank you for being who you were. You will have an lifelong impact on me. You inspire me to be a better person. I will make you proud in everything I do. Luke, I love you.
|Posted on March 7, 2019 at 9:55 PM||comments (0)|
Be the change you want to see in the world. Be the one to change the world for the better. Things are going to happen if you don’t do anything about. Things get talked about, but things don’t get done. People want to see the world in a much better shape then it is now, but they don’t do the time. If you can’t back up what you say then don’t say anything. Show people that you care. Show people that you want to see things change. Pay it forward, inspire others to do good. It has to happened today, it has to happen right now. Don’t wait till it benefits you, do it while you have the chance. Tomorrow isn’t a guarantee, we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. We can’t put it off because we don’t know how life is going to be like when we wake up in the morning. Today has to be better then yesterday. Less talk and more doing. Be your own hero. Live a life that your proud of. Leave an impact on the world. Its in your power to make sure the world is being taken care of. We need more love then hate, we need to take care of ourselves, we need to help others, we need to be the voice for the voiceless. Be the change you want to see in the world.
|Posted on March 4, 2019 at 7:50 PM||comments (0)|
Even if I was too young to remember Beverley Hills 90210. I knew how big of a show it was. I grew up knowing about the characters just by listening to other people talking about it and watching the show myself as I got older and the show had been off the air for 10 years. Luke Perry played my favorite character, Dylan McKay. There was something about the character that people loved. It could have been the bad boy that Dylan was or it could have been Luke Perry, but no matter who you are, Dylan was probably the first person you could think of when 90210 comes up in conversation.
Luke had a recurring role on Riverdale as Fred Andrews, Archie's dad. It was good to see him on the small screen again. It was like seeing an old friend. With some of the cast being to young to remember 90210, I know that Luke had some sort of impact on them. I've been hearing such good things about Luke. He had a heart of gold and he was grateful/thankful for what he was given and he was proud of the work he did. No matter where you knew him from, he was loyal to his fans. I'm sure everyone involved with Riverdale are going to feel the loss on set, but know that he's always going to be around.
52 years old is young to have a stroke and I was rooting for Luke to make a speedy and full recovery. Life is short and you have to grab by the horns. You never how much time you have until its too late. You have to reach for your dreams and make every day count. Make the most of everyday, make the most memories as you can.
I've experienced someone having a stroke. Its not an easy thing to witness.This touched home for me. Brought back memories. I'm sending my love to Luke's family and friends. I was thinking of Luke daily and was hoping to see him come back from the stroke stronger and better then ever.
Rest In Peace, Luke. You will forever be missed.
|Posted on February 25, 2019 at 5:25 PM||comments (0)|
I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but when everyone around you are being more successful then you, you begin to start to wonder if your doing everything in your power to be as successful as they are. I keep telling myself that I’ll do whatever it takes to make my dreams come true, but I feel like I’m failing. I want to experience so much in life. I can’t seem to understand how some things come so easy for one person, but it takes years for the same results for someone else. I feel like I’m struggling to achieve such things in my life. I see so many people around me who have the charm and have the social skills to make the connections to get far in life. I fail in that department. I don’t know how to reach out and make those connections so I hide behind something that is safe and reliable even when it doesn’t make me happy. I want to be able to reach out and interact with people, but when your not a people person and get over whelmed in group settings, meeting people is a challenge. I want to be able to do what I want and not have to worry if I’m making someone else happy. I want to do everything on my bucket list, but its hard when you feel like everyone is against you.
I hate doing things that don’t make me happy. I don’t want to keep doing things because its the right thing to do. I don’t want to have regrets and I don’t want to have a life of wondering where it could have gone if I stood up for myself and said no. I have a way of saying yes to someone because I know thats what they want to hear, but in the end I know its not going to make me happy and I regret saying yes. I want to be able to say no in situations that I know will make me feel uncomfortable or if I know I’m not going to be happy. I always thought that my happiness was always important. I always thought that if I wasn’t excited about something or I wasn’t passionate then I would stop whatever it was and move on. I want to do everything to make sure I don’t spend years in a situation where I know I could have left at anytime. I don’t want to be stick knowing that I could have done something more with my life, but I never had the chance to because I played it safe and worked just to pay the bills. I want life to be worth living. I want countless adventures and memories to last a lifetime, but I feel like I am no where near where I want to be and I often wonder if I’ll ever end up where I want. Am I the type of person who’s just going to be working that job because its the adult thing to do or am I doing to be the person to step outside of the box and live my best life? I’m the only person to make life what it is and I have to work hard to not have any regrets. I just wish people would take the time to help me reach my full potential. I want the world to know how amazing I can be, but I feel like my ideas and creativity is being wasted because nobody wants to pay attention. I have so much to give. Am I failing at life? Am I just not destined to live the amazing life I always thought I’ll have? Am I just lost on where I’m supposed to be going?
|Posted on February 22, 2019 at 12:15 AM||comments (0)|
I always wanted to be my own boss. I always wanted to be able to do something that I always wanted to and be able to do on my own terms and not have to take direction from anyone. I’ve never been a people person and working with people on a regular basis is overwhelming for me. I’ve never been the one to engage with co-workers or customers. I always had them come to me if they wanted to talk or ask for a question. I want to be happy with what I’m doing and not have anxiety about if I’m going to have a good 8 hour shift or a bad one.
Being Able To Work From Anywhere.
Taking my computer to a coffee shop and just quietly work on whatever project would be a dream. I want to be able to change my atmosphere depending what type of mood I’m in or if I need the inspiration.
Do Something I Love.
Everyone knows I want to write. I want to be able to do what I can to do it for the rest of my life. I want to tell people my stories and help them in anyway I can. I want to inspire the world and let them know that everything is going to be alright.
Work When I Want.
I want to be able to work when I can and want. I want to set my own hours. I want to be able to work at my own pace and have the energy to be able to be creative. I’m a night owl. I stay up late. I want to be able to listen to music and get work done when I feel inspired to do so.
I Can Be More Creative.
I can work on things that I want to work on. I can make changes and create to ways to do something. I have a million ideas and I feel like their not being used because I feel like I’m not given the chance to be creative. I want to be able to show people what I can do without being limited.
I Don’t Have To Answer To Anyone.
Because I’m my own boss, I don’t have to listen to anyone, but myself. I can take the all the time I want on a project without having to worry if I’m doing a good job or being criticized on how it looks. I can work on things and be able to make them look the way I want them to.
I’ll Have More Freedom.
I can be as creative as I want when I want and I don’t have to have deadlines if I don’t want to. I can work on as many projects as I want without having someone tell me to hurry up or that its not perfect. I can take my time and make sure its how I want it to be.
I really don’t know how people can be their own boss without getting help from outside sources especially if it comes to writing. I don’t know who’s reading. I don’t even know if there are any readers. I would love to be able to write my blog full time and get paid to do it. I can travel and write about the cities I’ve been to. I can write about the movies I’ve seen or even when I meet my Dream Team, I could ask them questions about their careers and where they see themselves in the future. I have so many ideas for my blog, but its hard to make them come alive when I feel like I’m not being taking seriously. I want to know who I’m reaching out to. I want to know who’s listening. I want to write for the rest of my life. Its where I want to be and where I want to go.
|Posted on February 16, 2019 at 1:15 AM||comments (0)|
There are things I always wanted to accomplish, but I never know where to start. I feel like if I don’t give myself a timeline on when to accomplish such things then I won’t get around to doing them. Now that I’m in my 30s, I thought this was a good time to create a list of things I want to do and achieve by the time I reach 40. I want to be able to look back on my 30s and know that I conquered as much as I could in that decade of age. I want my 30s to be the decade of memories and good times. I want to be successful and happy. I want a life worth remembering.
My #1 goal in life as always been wanting to get married. I always wanted to be able to have someone in my life who I can love for the rest of my life. I want create memories and go on adventures. I want to be able to have someone in my life who will be my biggest fan and love me for me.
Having kids is something I always wanted. I know that being able to raise someone and love them and being able to watch them grow into someone amazing who will change the world. Being a mom is something I can see myself doing. I know kids would make me a better person because my children will encourage me to look at the world in a different light.
Get My Work Published:
I want to be have things that I’ve written get published either online or somewhere in print. I want tell the world my stories and be an inspiration to others, but its hard when you think people aren’t paying attention. I feel like my writing isn’t going anywhere and I feel discouraged when it comes to trying to get my blog noticed. I want to be taking seriously. I don’t want to be left behind when it comes to reaching my dreams.
Not Worry About Money:
I always wanted to book a trip and leave a couple days later. I don’t want to save up for weeks sometimes months just to go away for a couple days. I want to be able to spare of the moment things and not worry about if its going to set me back. I want to be able to work at a job I love and know that it could take me anywhere in the world. I want experiences and memories. Its hard to live a life of adventure when you can’t afford the simple things in life.
|Posted on February 8, 2019 at 4:50 PM||comments (0)|
When you want to put your life on hold because your too anxious to leave the house is something that I’ve been struggling with lately. I feel like the more I interact with people, the more overwhelmed I get. I feel like once my anxiety makes an appearance I want to do everything I can to keep that anxiety down. Being able to leave the house is part of my routine, but I have this urge not to even get out of bed because I don’t want to deal with interacting with the outside world.
I work graveyards and at the beginning, it was fine. I developed a new routine and I accepted it, but recently over the last couple of weeks. I’ve dreaded going to my night shift. I’m not using my anxiety as an excuse, but it feels like I can only do so much. I’ve only been there for a couple months, but I’m trying my best to handle it the best way I can. I just go in, clock in, do my job then clock out and go home.
There have also been some issues going on in my building. Its been ongoing since before I’ve moved in. I know its nothing I’ve been doing, but it feels like I’m being singled out and I feel like the more I stay at home, the better chance of me making sure these issues don’t come up again is more in my control because I’ll be there to take care of it. I want to put my life on hold because my anxiety is taking over. I’ve had been on the verge of tears numerous times. I feel like doing things that I’m not happy with are really starting to catch up with me and its making me feel less like a person.
I can be really energetic and want to do a million different things, but the last couple of weeks, I don’t want to do things that make me be an adult, like grocery shopping or going to work. I want to be able to do things that make ME happy and not do something just because its the adult thing to do and people want to me to do it. Feels like peer pressure, but I feel guilty if I don’t do something so I do it even if it doesn’t make me happy. I feel like I’m not being listening to when it comes to wanting what I want for myself. I don’t want to cave to other people’s opinions and ideas, but I have a hard time saying no because I feel like saying yes is what that person wants to hear even if it doesn’t make me happy. I know its going to make that other person feel better because I said yes.
My anxiety was under control for a while until the last couple of weeks and I think I should start cutting things out of my life because I know those things are the triggers. I want to start focusing on things that I want to do instead of what other people want me to do. I’m the only one that can control what brings me joy and happiness even if it means giving things up to make that happen.
|Posted on February 7, 2019 at 10:25 PM||comments (0)|
As time goes on and I think about where I am in my life and what I’m doing, I begin to feel like its not where I want to be. Its not where I thought my life would be going. I had pictured my life going down a completely different road and as of right now, its not on track. I thought by the time I’m at the age I am now, I would be successful, living a life I’m proud of and doing what I always wanted do it. I never thought I would be stuck in a rut working just to pay the bills and not looking forward to working that 9-5. I always wanted to do something creative, I always wanted to be able to show the world what I can do, but I feel like the world is against me and not letting me shine. I feel like I’m not being taking seriously and I feel like people don’t care about how I feel and what I want to do with my life. I don’t want to be stuck in a situation and not be able to get out of it because its safe and secure. I want to be able to wake up everyday and know that what I’m doing is what I want to and not because its paying the bills. I want to look forward to working and not have to worry about my anxiety giving me the fear of not wanting to leave the house. This isn’t where I thought I’ll be at this point in my life.
I want something more. I want something that makes me look back on my life and know I had experiences of a lifetime. I don’t want to look back and know I’ve spent 30 years of my life working to survive.I want to be able to be myself and not have to rely on others to make me happy. I want to live a life that means something. I want my life to inspire and give others hope, but right now I feel like those dreams and goals are never going to happen. I feel like being an adult is a priority and reaching for your dreams is always going to be on the bottom of the list. I want to live my life that way I want to and not that way the world wants you do. I want to able to do everything and anything to live my best life, but I feel like things are holding me back. I feel like the world is against and I do things just to make the world happy, but in reality, I just want to follow my heart. You only live once and I want to make it count.
|Posted on January 25, 2019 at 6:25 AM||comments (0)|
Everyone has things they want to accomplish in life. We never know how much time we have. We want to make most of the time we do have. Sometimes it feels like we won’t ever conquer everything we set our minds too and it discourages us from doing what we actually want to do. I think a lot of us are afraid to fail. We want to see success as soon as possible and when that doesn’t happen within the first few times we do it, we start to believe that we won’t ever reach that level of achievement. I know that feeling all to well. I can be hard on myself even if no one else sees it. I’ll try something once and if I don’t see positive results then I give up and not want to do it again. I feel like people have something that I don’t when it comes to being successful and I become envious that they are able to do things that I always wanted to do.
Let’s take my blog. I love my blog. I started it in 2009 and I thought that it would be something I could do for a living. I would blog, people would read and I’ll become a well-known writer, but its been 10 years and I feel like nobody is paying attention to it. I thought that it would be something that I could take on the road and be able to write about everything that’s going on. I thought it would something that would help me reach my dreams of being a writer, but I feel discouraged because I never know whose reading. I never get any feedback. I don’t know if the hard work in promoting my blog is working. Do people just scroll past it or read one blog post and move it. I don’t know. With 10 years of writing a blog, I would at least hoped that I would have gotten get some results, but at the end of the day, I just got to keep trying. Writing makes me happy. Its a world I can get lost in. Its a place where I can express myself. I want to write for the rest of my life.
You can have as many dreams that you want. You can make your life as memorable as you want it to be. You just want to think about what you want your life to be remembered as. Do you want to look back on it and know that you lived it to the fullest and had no regrets or do you want to have a bunch of “what ifs”? I’m all for doing what you can to make your dreams come true. If your not happy with your current situation then take the time to do what makes you happy. There is nothing holding you back. No one is holding your dreams against you and telling you that their are worthless. Live your life the way you want. Live a life your proud of. Create a life that gets other people talking. Go for the gold and achieve those dreams no matter how big or small. If you brings you joy then what’s stopping you. Go out there and make it happen. Believe in yourself.
|Posted on January 9, 2019 at 2:10 AM||comments (0)|
Every year when I watch any of the award shows, I always find that the movies and/or actors who get a lot of attention thru out the year and get a lot of praise are usually the ones that don’t win. You hear about movies and actors who get a lot of Oscar buzz and are rumoured to be on their way to winning, but more often then not, its the movies and actors that you hardly hear anything about that take home more awards. I don’t know if its something about the way award shows work, but I feel like they want or need a couple of “big” movies to get people talking about the event so they tune it to watch if they win. There have been times where I don’t hear about certain movies until the award shows and I’m lost in whose starring in it because its the first time I’m ever hearing about it.
I sense some actors feel like if they are in a big movie and its their first big part they ever got, they feel or deserve to win because they are in a nominated movie even if they are against people who have been in the industry longer. Its like they need to feel accepted and taken seriously if they win on their first try. In some cases, it does happen, where a 20 something wins after only being in that one movie compared to someone who’s been in films for 30+ years. A lot of the time it seems like they don’t understand that its not the only time their to be in a nominated film, you had the opportunity to be in one, let alone, it being your first film and it doesn’t matter. Just feel lucky that you were there to experience it. People 3 times your age who've been acting for decades could go years without a nomination or a win and they keep making films because they love it and its what they want to do.
I have nothing against award shows. I hope to be there one day as a presenter and/or a nominee in writing or producing, but sometimes it feels like having an platform like an award show gives people a little to much power to express themselves and try and give everyone an a chance to be accepted. I feel like its more of a equality thing now. I’m all for accepting people for being who they are, but sometimes it goes to far and it gets old and boring after the 4th or 5th celebrity wanting everyone to be treated the same. We understand and we want everyone to be loved, but sometimes we just need to take a step back and know times are changing and if people wanted to see more positivity in the world then we’re do everything we can to make it happen.
|Posted on December 12, 2018 at 5:00 AM||comments (0)|
When I was in high school, I had this idea on where I wanted to be by the time I was at the age I am now. I wanted to either be in a committed relationship on my way to being married with an amazing career that would have me do a little traveling on the side or I would be newly married with a kid on the way, but those dreams wouldn’t come true. I know I still have time to achieve those things, but I always wanted to be a young parent who is able to connect with my child. I would be “closer” to their age then if I was if I had them as an older parent in my late 30s or early 40s. I notice that people are having kids at an older age, which is fine. If you feel like your in my mid 20s or least have my first by the time I had hit 30. I always wanted to be a mom who was able to do everything with my child and spend as much time as I could with my kids without having to feel guilty that I missed their soccer game because I had this big project due that same day or I had a meeting that ran late and missed the first half of the game. I always wanted to be able to put my work on hold and put my kids first. I always wanted to be able to let my kids know that they are loved and cherished. I don’t want to be a mother who has a million things to do, but taking my kid to the park is at the bottom of the list. I don’t want to fall into a routine where work is more important and pushing my kids aside becomes a habit. I feel like once I get to a certain age and I become a custom with what’s going on in my life and kids wouldn’t be an option. I don’t want to get to that point in my life where I have to choose between work or family. I pictured my life with kids and as time goes on and the older I get, I wonder if kids will ever be part of my reality. I always pictured my life as a mom. I feel like I’ve failed when its comes to reaching that point my life. I wish I was more of a people person so I could connect and meet someone. I wish my anxiety didn’t play a part in convincing me not to try new things.
I don’t like being told that I’ll find someone or if I stop looking then someone will find me. I gave up on love a long time ago. If it happens then it happens. I’m not going to go out of my way to find my prince charming and have a family. The thought of a perfect life with the picture perfect family is not existed. There is a 95% chance that I won’t have kids. I want them and would cherish them for the rest of my life, but I know that having kids won’t happen for me. I just have to stop dreaming of a life that would never happen for me. I just got to focus on me and trying to figure out where I belong in the world. I should just be me and everything should fall into place. It doesn’t come easy, but I just want to be able to a life where everything I do is for a reason. I don’t want regrets. I know having kids would be my greatest accomplishment, but the thought of not having kids is a thought that runs thru my head a lot and that dream is starting to get farther and farther away. We can hold on to something for so long before it starts to slip away.
|Posted on December 7, 2018 at 3:25 AM||comments (0)|
I feel like if you don’t have certain things by a certain age, people will start to judge you. I feel like people assume everyone should be going at the same pace and achieve things on or around the same age. I’m at the point in my life where I feel like I’m falling behind my peers when it comes to achieving things. I feel like that I’m not where I’m supposed to be and my peers are doing all these things and here I am wishing I was where they are in life. I know people go at their own pace and there’s no reason to live your life in the shadows of others, but it feels like that if I mention something like, I have a driver’s license, but don’t have a car, I feel like people judge me on being in my 30s and never having own a vehicle or if someone asked me about dating and I say I’m not seeing/dating anyone, it feels like they look down at me for not being married with kids. There are times when the topic of jobs come up and at times when someone says that they are whatever they are and I tell them what I do, it makes me feel like they are better then me because they have that job where they make this amount an hour, they travel and have that nice house downtown with a boat and a fancy sports car. Its like they are only in for the perks. Its like they are embarrassed to be talking to someone who is at the bottom and are trying to work their way up, its not good enough because they’re not doing it fast enough.
People can be judgmental and always want to say what they really think and sometimes I feel like its true. Feeling like people look down at you for trying to figure things out is hard. I feel like I should have succeeded in life a lot sooner and looking at my peers for being successful and loving life, enjoying the moments, makes me wonder if that would ever happen for me. I don’t want to be stuck and know that I could have moved on, worked at something that I wanted to do and not do something just because it was paying the bills. I want to be able to prove those people wrong and show them that I can be as successful as them. I am my own person who is going at on my speed, but sometimes I just want life to hurry up a little bit so I can enjoy life and not have to worry about what’s going to happened. I want life just to be as fun as possible and know that I did whatever I could to make it a good one. I don’t want people to judge me even if they aren’t, I want to be able to do things I want to do. I don’t need someone to give me a timeline on when to do things. I am still trying to figure out where I belong and I don’t need someone to bring me down.
|Posted on December 3, 2018 at 7:50 AM||comments (0)|
When I first started this blog, it was a daily blog. I wrote everyday. I wanted to see how many days I could write before it landed in the hands of my dream team. What inspired to do it was a guy named Gavin Booth, who would post a youtube video everyday in hopes it would get the attention of the people who inspired him to become a film maker. Kind of how my blog is to the people that I’ve respected and admired, but I was going to use words instead of videos. I think he was a couple years into it by the time I had found him. I need to thank Gavin and give him the credit he deserves. I don’t think I would have created this blog if it wasn’t for him and his daily videos. I lasted just over 100 days before I realized that nobody was actually reading it and I felt discouraged and gave up on trying to reach out to my dream team. I felt like if I didn’t have anything to say that day or if nothing happened, it felt like I had to write just so I could post something.
Over the years, I’ve tried to get as much attention to my blog as I could. Try and bring in readers. I would tell people about my blog and go into detail about the people who are my inspiration, but it seemed like no one took an interest. The less thrilled they looked and reacted to it, the less thrilled I was about writing a blog. I would not post for weeks, sometimes months because I felt like I was working for something that didn’t seem to exist. This blog is my way of expressing myself. I can tell my story or be able to let things off my chest without having to face negativity. People can be harsh in the real world, but with my blog, I can say something and someone else could feel the same way and we can help each other get thru it without being judged. I want this to be a safe space for people. I want to encourage and inspire. I want to give it my all. I’m going to try my best to go back to a daily blog. Some days I may fail and not post anything at all, but I will encourage me to keep writing and keep working hard. I want this blog to be successful.
|Posted on November 30, 2018 at 4:45 AM||comments (0)|
I’ve had my share for celebrity crushes. Sometimes they last for months and other times, they last only a couple weeks. There’s been a couple crushes that have lasted years, but over time those “feelings” go away because people change or it was just time to move on. When I think about who’ve I’ve liked in the past, I ask myself why we have these crushes on people that we know will never work. Are we so determine to see ourselves being with that person that we’re do anything to be with them? I know that there are people who get so obsessed over a celebrity that they would kill to have that celebrity took notice or if they can’t have that celebrity then nobody else can have that said celebrity and they lose their life because of it.
It makes you think about if we can really handle being in the spotlight and be with someone who is constantly being watched and judged by everyone. There are people who were born to be famous and other people are thrown into the business and they can’t handle the pressure of the job. Are we as everyday people ready to be part of a world where everything you do or say is published on every page of a magazine and on the internet? Can we see ourselves being with someone who may put on a friendly face for the public, but behind close doors, they aren’t the person we thought they were? Are we just in for the money and fame? People are convinced that if they are with someone who is a Hollywood star, they will have a life filled with parties, glamour and award shows. We imagine a life with these celebrity crushes and we can picture doing so much, but do we really think about the person we are crushing on? I know they appreciate the love and support they get from fans, but how are far is to far? We can fan girl all we want and that’s fine, but once we start to wonder what life is like with that celebrity and we can’t imagine a life without that person then maybe we should learn to take a step back and realize that our world doesn’t involve around that one person especially when we never met and don’t know them personally.